Listen like Kira
- Mathilde Barbier
- Oct 1, 2022
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 28, 2023
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I was sitting quietly in the living room with the dogs asleep next to me, bathing in the familiar sounds of a rainy autumn day. The rain pushed around by gust of wind was tip-tapping persistently on the window when, without warning, Kira suddenly lifted her head. Her body was perfectly still and only her ears were moving ever so slightly, but precisely and purposely. Scanning the air. Beyond the noise of the rain, her sensitive dog ears had captured a sound that, as a human I did not have access to, and sure enough, a few moments later the doorbell rang.
After attending to the door, I came back and praised her for her guard dog skills!
This time she was not just hearing but listening to me. Watching my every move. Following my gestures. Tuning into the tone of my voice, noticing the fluctuations in my pitch. Her profound eye contact, head tilted, tail tentatively wagging, ears lifting and rotating. I could tell she was listening with intensity through her whole being to make sense of what I was saying to her. Actively working on understanding my whole-body communication. Fully present. Giving me her complete undivided attention.
This experience got me thinking about our human listening habits.
When you listen to someone, do you ever find yourself:
- Faking attention or practicing selective hearing
- Waiting for your turn to talk
- Interrupting or hijacking the conversation
- Making assumptions, jumping to conclusions
- Giving in to internal or external distractions
How do you feel when the person you are talking to is engaging in some of the these habits?
We can all improve our listening skills every day and the first step is to stop talking. Our body gives us a clue since most of us have 2 ears and 1 mouth so perhaps we should use them proportionally; this gives us space to be more aware of our own ‘not so helpful’ listening habits. By doing this observation exercise with humour and kindness we can then adjust our habits.
To help you, I wanted to share some helpful tips...
Kira's 5 top tips to be a better listener:
Remove external distractions – put your phone down, turn away your screen, switch off the TV, lower the volume of the music
Be present and aware of your internal distractions and inner chatter
Show that you are listening – nod, tilt your head, demonstrate acknowledgement
Look for verbal and non-verbal cues - intonation, pace, pauses and if you can - watch for clues in body language and facial expressions
Listen to understand (not to respond)– be aware of your own interpretations and assumptions and ask for clarification
Lastly ...
If you feel that you are not in the right space or don’t have the capacity to listen, be honest and gentle with yourself and with the other person and say so.
"Listening is about being present, not just about being quiet." - Krista Tippett
To learn more about how you can fine tune your listening skills or you want to experience being truly heard, get in touch. We will arrange a free conversation and explore possibilities that will fit your needs. I will be all ears and guarantee it will be 15min of your time invested mindfully.
Image credits: Kira's photo by Moi!
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